One of My Role Models: Carl R. Rogers

Over the weekend we went to a graduation party up north to the town where my wife grew up. I took a book along for the trip and this time chose "A Way of Being" by Carl Rogers. It has been twenty years since I read those pages. In the book, I found the extreme wisdom of a man who was fascinated by the concept of human potential. I had a good time discussing the passages that I had read that profoundly interest me with my lay minister and friend Tim recently. We meet for coffee or tea once a week. I think I really got Tim interested in Roger's ideas. (Someone with a Christian perspective being influenced by a humanisitic theorist) Highlite passages I most liked:

Dr. Irvin Yalom wrote the forward to "A Way of Being." He says quote, "Rogers was persuaded of the reality and significance of human choice; he believed that experiential learning swas a far more powerful approach to personal understanding and change than an endeavor resting upon intellectual understanding; he believed that individuals have within themselves and actualizing tendency,an inbuilt proclivity toward growth and fulfillment."

Rogers said about listening, "When I say I enjoy hearing someone, I mean, of course hearing deeply. I mean that I hear words, the thoughts, the feeling tones, the pesonal meaning, even the meaning that is below the conscious intent of the speaker. Sometimes too, in a message which superficially not very important, I hear a deep human cry that lies buried and unknown far below the surface of the person. "

He also says, " I am terribly frustrated and shut into myself when I try to express something which is deeply me, which is a part of my own private, inner world, and the other person does not understand. When I take the gamble, the risk, of trying to share something that is very personal with another individual, and it is not received and understood, that is a very deflating and lonely experience. Creative, active, sensitive, accurate, empathetic, and nonjudgmental listening is for me terribly important in a relationship.

Realness was very important for Rogers, but he went farther and coined his own term. "In place of the term 'realness' I have sometimes used the word 'congruence.' By this I mean that when my experiencing of this moment is present in my awareness and when what is present in my awareness is present in my communication, then each of these three levels matches or is congruent. At such moments I am integrated or whole, I am completely in one piece. Congruence is the fundamental basis for the best communication."

In other news today. My brother in law Bill lost his mother over the weekend. Some sort of pancreatic condition. She felt ill Tuesday and was dead on Saturday. She was a wonderful person and will be missed greatly. Such events make many of us want to hug our spouse and kids and say "I love you" to the people who mean the most to us in our lives. Carl Rogers said of death, "Ten or fifteen years ago I felt quite certain that death was the total end of the person. I still regard that as the most likely prospect; however, it does not seem to me a tragic or awful prospect. I have been able to live my life---not to the full, certainly, but with a satisfying degree of fullness---and it seems natural that my life should come to an end.. I already have a degree of immortality to other persons. I have sometimes said that, psychologically, I have strong sons and daughters all over the world.. Also, I believe that the ideas and the ways of being that I and others have helped to develop will continue. So if I, as an individual, come to a complete and final end, aspects of me will still live on in a variety of growing ways, and that is a pleasant thought."